All in all you managed to create something subtle yet elegant, nice. It's a game over song, thus it shouldn't be loud, but it shouldn't be dull and droning either if you expect people to listen to it.
That being said, this might work better as music during a cutscene/story/sad bit? I get since it doubles it's more like a minute and a half but generally people don't hang around for more than a few seconds when they get killed in a game. Half the time they just button mash back to the load or ragequit.